David Sedaris on Undecided Voters

"I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

----

I wonder if, in the end, the undecideds aren’t the biggest pessimists of all. Here they could order the airline chicken, but, then again, hmm. “Isn’t that adding an extra step?” they ask themselves. “If it’s all going to be chewed up and swallowed, why not cut to the chase, and go with the platter of shit?”

Ah, though, that’s where the broken glass comes in. ♦"

--David Sedaris, from The New Yorker
(Illustration pictured above by Zahar Lazar)


And so, 21-7'ers, I ask you: Chicken, or shit?

Read the whole column here, and VOTE on November 4th! Take a picture of yourself at the polls (Avoid being tackled by law enforcement officers) and send it to us!

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Love to Jezebel, where I read it first!